


Stars in the sky

by BuckyBarnes8999



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Canon Divergence - Post-Avengers (2012), F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-11
Updated: 2020-06-11
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:41:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24659287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BuckyBarnes8999/pseuds/BuckyBarnes8999
Summary: Bucky confronts old man Rogers
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers
Comments: 1
Kudos: 33





	Stars in the sky

**Author's Note:**

> Idk I do this just to hurt myself.
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr! [ Here! ](https://ibuckybarnes.tumblr.com/)

"when was it?" Bucky stood with his hands clenched, his entire body trembling with unsaid things. They were surging just under his skin as thick as his blood. Hotter though, like rivulets of lava. 

"When was what, Buck?"   
Everyone else had left, needing to get back to their irrevocably altered lives. Bucky had watched Sam Wilson walk away with Cap's shield. God did he want to reach out for it, touch it's gleaming surface. He wanted to _grab_ it, force it back into Steve's hands. 

Now he was alone with his best friend in the entire universe and that's exactly what he felt-- alone.  
He'd never wanted in his life to shake an old man more than he did right then.

"When was the end of the line?" Bucky grit out like sandpaper dragging between his teeth. 

Steve's eyes widen a little. He'd had a lifetime to spend thinking over what had happened, over The Avengers and The Snap--- all of it. But did he ever once think of Bucky?  
He'd dragged Bucky through hell. Out of hell and back into it and he'd left him. In the end he'd left him. 

"I'm still right here, Buck. You've not missed any time with me, not really." Steve's wizened face finally tilts up to meet Bucky's gaze. He nearly regretted it. He nearly preferred the cold empty eyes of the Winter Soldier over this look. 

Bucky's eyes were brimming. "But I _will_ miss time with you. I _have_ missed time. I---"   
It wasn't even that Steve had chosen Peggy Carter over him, he'd always known he cared for Steve in a deeper way than Steve did him. Than Steve _could_ for him.  
"Steve I've just gotten a firm hold on my mind again and pal, you --- you dragged me to this point. Kicking and screaming. Everything I've done has been for you, Steve." 

"Bucky. . ." Steve's tone is a low warning but Bucky isn't here for being hushed now. He finally wants to use his voice. 

"No, Steve, tell me when the end of the line became jumping in a time machine and leaving me the first chance you get?" His left arm whirred as his muscles all tensed.   
"Was it when I turned to dust? Was that the end? Cause that's the kind of ending I'm talking about! The only way I wanna go without you is if one of us dies!"   
He's revealing too much of his feelings and he knows it, revealing things he never would voice in full. 

"Bucky, you can have a real life now. You can carve your own path out, for nobody but you." Steve pats the bench beside himself but Bucky doesn't sit, he sinks to his knees putting his head in Steve's lap.

Steve's hand plays through Bucky's hair in a soothing manner. "Why didn't you save me?" Bucky's voice is barely a whisper, if not for Steve's enhanced hearing-- even at his age-- Bucky might as we have just mouthed the words. 

It makes Steve's blood run cold.   
The hand petting Bucky stills, resting heavy on the silken locks.   
"Bucky. . ." 

But Bucky is sobbing now, face buried against Steve's thigh. Even now Steve is well muscled, his body hasn't really mellowed with age. Even though his face is careworn and soft around the eyes. 

Steve lets him cry, he cards his fingers through his hair and let's him cry himself out. He wonders now if Bucky is mourning him or a life he also missed out on. 

"Bucky. . ." Steve tries after a while, his voice is a little raspy. "Bucky I didn't want to alter things too much. I didn--"

"Bullshit, Steve." Bucky's voice is again that barest of whispers but it cuts Steve off all the same. "You didn't want to create a split in the timeline for _me_. Damn the poor sap who married Peggy huh? Damn their life and everything they built. Steve where's my magic do-over button?"   
Steve goes silent but holds onto Bucky a little bit tighter. 

And there isn't a do over for Bucky Barnes. Not this one. But somewhere out there under a vast sky and every star he's ever missed, there is a Bucky with life under the soles of his worn out boots. There's a Bucky with no regrets on his heart.   
Somewhere out there there is a Bucky, old and frail. 

And so it goes.


End file.
